It was during Labor day weekend that I was feeling sick and sluggish and recovering from a bad tht infection and antibiotics so didn't think much of it. It wasn't until James and I decided to go see his mom and I went to change and realized that my breast did not look or felt the same. I was freaked out because when I say they didn't look the same literally they didn't. I went online to describe the way my breast look and everything pointed to pregnancy. I immediately went to my famous calendar and realized I was a day late on my period.
James and I left the house talking about how a day late was not that big of a deal and I had been a day late before. After visiting with my grand mother we had the courage to buy a pregnancy test. When we finally made it home I took one,two, three, and a fourth pregnancy test and all four were positive. It was September 06, 2009 when I discovered I was going to be a mom for the first time and it felt amazing :)
We felt happy confused and even scared but so thankful that we were pregnant and not having fertility issues like other couples out there. I call my doctor's office to the next day and told me to come in when I was 8 weeks.
When the time came I was super excited and we confirmed the pregnancy and my doctor schedule our first ultrasound at 10 weeks. I had an insurance that did not cover my ultrasounds at my doctor's office so I had to go to a diagnostic place to get it done. When the time came for the appointment and I had all the bottle of water like you are suppose to and got into the hideous robe they make you wear. The ultrasound seem forever and they couldn't tell us anything and I couldn't see the monitor to see my baby.
On October 13, 2009 we were given the bad news that I was loosing my little penut. My world crushed and I was given the option to sit and wait or get an D&C. We decided to let it happen on its own so the day finally arrived as those were thhe longest two weeks of my life. On October 30, 2009 my little Hope left my womb and it was one of the saddest and painful day of my life.
After it happened my husband and family was supportive and sweet but after a few days everyone went back to normal like nothing had happened. It seemed like the world had just stopped for me but everyone else was back to the running around of our crazy lives. In the midst of my sadness and emptiness I found refuge in this journal, a gift my husband gave me when we were dating. He picked it out because he knew I loved butterflies :)
This is when I realized that miscarriages are not seen as a true loss and that they do not count, but they do! Hope did not came to my life in vein and it was not just a fetus it was life inside of me that grew just for a little bit but it is still life. This is why I decided to make these comfort boxes that I hope it brings a little of hope to other women that have lost a baby during pregnancy.
